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Davy celebrates making it 3 feet from the bar and not spilling his pint

Here, finally is the write up of the 2005 Minehoff 12th Ace of Spades Rally, which in case you weren’t quite awake or simply can’t keep up with these new fangled and every faster times in which we seem forced to live these days, it’s now 2006.

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In here somewhere there’s a parable of digital photies that aren’t being ‘satisfied’ by their current ‘Flash Card’, and deciding that the grass is greener on the other side and leave it for a more ‘interesting’ ‘Hard Disk’, however, immediately upon receiving said photies the Hard disk turned out to be wholly unreliable, a fact the the photies friends never divulged, basically it had had it’s chips and simply couldn’t function any more without a chip graft and transplant.

Where did this leave the photies I hear you ask, just before you shout, ‘shut it wi this pish and get on aboot the rally’, well the photies were in a torpid limbo, unable to escape until a suitable ‘chip graft’ donor could be found.

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A close watch on eeeebay found, amongst the eastern bloc babies for sale and other organs a suitable ‘chip donor’, procured in exchange for four old pennies, three groats and a sultry looking chicken, some maniacal brandishing of a no 2 torx driver, steady hand and a slightly whiffy banana and life once more was returned to the ‘Hard Drive’ at which point the photies declared, ‘yer a useless b^%stard’ and promptly left for another bigger more reliable drive.

The moral of the story you ask ?. None whatsoever, other than to explain the tardiness in it’s appearance 😉

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The Ace of Spades rally was making a welcome return after a brief respite last year due to location difficulties, the field had run of with it’s mail order Thai bride, the club had successfully located another site somewhere near the middle of nowhere again.

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Turning off the A1 at Haddington and taking a million lefts and rights up a wee country road I eventually found, being so early, a big empty field, with one big marquee in it.

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I came across some of the club’s ‘All in’ Tag “sign in Marquee” wrestling team’ making a good innings on this particular sign in tent. I played the eager spectator for a while but I’m still not sure who won.

The memory is all going to run a bit thin here, I can however console meself with the fact that I consulted others who had attended the rally for any snippets of information, they couldn’t remember much either, so it must have been good 🙂

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I was in the midst of the highly stressful process of moving house, hence my intentions were soley to get ratted out me head and have a good time, a fitful method of relaxation, an opinion which I apparently share with many others.

Somewhere after putting the tent up and cracking the first can of Guinness followed by a wee chaser from Mr Daniels and very late the party ensued in the marquee,

I do however recall assisting Jackie’s ( the food van lass’s) man as he attempted to put up a large tent who’s aquaintance he hed only just made, now ehre’s that Minehoff ‘All in’ Tag “sign in Marquee” wrestling team’when ye need them.

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Here, that was dead cool, (I’ll get me coat, actually I’ll get Ratty’s)

I am reliably informed that the noise emanating from one end of the marquee on Friday night was made by Spank the Plank and FM.

I am equally reliably informed that the noise emanating from me was made by many Guinness and much Jack.

Vague I think is the operative word.

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At least the weather wasn’t Pants

COAT !!!!!!, NOW !!!

I do know for certain however that Saturday happened, much lying about on grass drinking, watching Ping manoo, maneeo, manuev.. bugger it, paddle his chop round the field to the custom show. Just back from Faro the chop was exhibiting some war wounds from a slighly errant suspension mount which had decided that had a difference of opinion with the pice of metal it was welded to and packed it’s bags and parted company.

I did photograph Hozzy’s gorgeous XS650 as a feature bike, the photies which I have just recovered along with these, but that’s the next job 🙂

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At some point in the afternoon Vix achieved a lifetime’s ambition to get test Gordon’s trike hearse personally. Having a ‘live’ person in a hearse seemed to attract quite a lot of attention, (can’t comment on to what degree of ‘live’ as I can’t remember how bad Vix’s hangover was)

I’m sure I heard someone from the back of the onlooking rabble shouting “Let me through, I’m a ghoul”.

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Caption required 🙂

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Ye’ll have someone’s eye oot wi that

 

Somewhere on Saturday afternoon Sparko led me to believe that there might be something worth photogtraphing later and that I should meet him round the back of the bike sheds at 9pm and bring some conkers.

Whumff and Demons Eye entertained the drunken throng to be followed after the curiously titled “Arson About” billed on the flyer, then Mischief to round the night off.

Behind the bikes sheds at the alloted time I came upon Lucy, who was about to be Arson About, flinging burny things on the end of bits of (hopefully flameproof string), her warm up act, who couldn’t actually be trusted with real burny things was a sight to behold,

a sight which frankly, left me speechless, or was that nauseous. As me Granny used to say, “The things ye see when ye’ve no got a gun, pass us the Jack son”.

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I’m not sure Sparko’s warm up act could be described as spectacular, suitable adjectives or perhaps expletives escape me right now. The photie speaks volumes though, sorry do I need to point out which photie I’m talking about ?.
Lucy did however put on a firey show and certainly held the audiences attention.

Some much welcomed alternative entertainment for a rally. A wee birdie told me that next year it’s the “Women’s Institute All in Home Made Jam Wrestling Team”

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Outside more burny goings on were, well, erm, ….. going on. Sparko had decided that setting fire to things was too much fun, and folk seemed to be quite entertained by it, so it was the turn of a GPz900r to have it’s rear rubber lit up.

And a bloody fine job it was too, a welcome heat on a chilly night too. Of course it ‘was’ completely necessary to keep going until the tyre went bang, or Phhuuttt as they generally actually do.

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When ‘Preparation H’ is just not enough

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£100 cash prize draw Alana, Saints and Sinner

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Best Trike Vix, Courtesy of Gordon and his trike hearse

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Best Streetfighter Tom, Saints and Sinners

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Best Classic Colin 750 LTD

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Best Classic Hozzie, Flat Tracker XS650

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Best Chop and Best Of Show Ping (Borders)

Best Rat Daz, Beermonsters
He was in the pub, this is Stan

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Furthest Male Stricher, Otterbikers 483 miles

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Farthest Travelled Female Scooby, Talisman 247 miles

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Club Turnout Saints & Sinners

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Cheesiest Rally GrinThere ye have, musings and factually dubious recollections of 12th Ace of Spades rally. Here’s to next year’s.

Any resembelance of characters, places or activities herein depicted, to people, places, small herbivores or activities real, imaginary or otherwise are purely coincedental.

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Poashest Dainty Applause

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