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Pass us a beer then

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After Fallin' abou

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“We’re leaving at 9:30am???!!!”, ‘kin ‘ell, was the reply from me missus, when I suggested a leaving time. It usually takes about 6 hours, including stops, to get from Central Scotland to Helmsley.

I figured, let’s TRY and leave early for a change. It’s likely to be busy. No shit sherlock!. We left at 10am, arrived at 4pm and the site was burstin’ at the seams already!.

Far into the second field we found our usual spot by the trees. The rain, having twatted it down all the way to Gretna, thankfully had a rest and gave us some time to get the tents up in the dry.
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Ahhhhhh!, the Farmyard again, our 8th year, what can I say, what does that number plate tagline say “If I had to explain you wouldn’t understand”, Meaningful words indeed. If you were there you’ll know, if not (that includes the 50 plus rocket boys we saw on the ’66 on the way home) then ye missed yerselves.

We decided this year, for mostly financial reasons to do as many wee rallies as close to home as poss this year. ‘course that intention was blown into touch as we’d already been to I.T.V. This is as far south as we’re goin’ this year, Is stormin’ further north mum?.

So, What’s this bloody Farmyard thing, wot yer rabbitin’ on about, erm well — about? Meeting mates ye haven’t seen for a while or. ……Getting Drunk, and hangin about in Bars, well, Beer Tents or……….Mad and original Bikes or………………Mad and original Trikes or……………… Sittin’ round the campfires having a laugh Ye get all of these things at the Farmyard. Hat’s off to Yorks MAG and all the FYP Marshalls, it’s a big gig and they all seemed to be workin’ thier socks off. Wandering about the stalls, with the sounds of slingshot slingin’ CD’s into his decks, waheey loadsa Levellers. Seems you can spend hours with a beer just watching the assorted bikes coming in through the road which the stalls line. Arriving at 4pm on Friday all of the wood from the pile in the second field was gone, minor gripe the later wood drops were all at the front gate.

Several ingeious folk, most with trikes were tying up bundles and dragging them into the field. Past years have seen more drops, so maybe next year 😉

The campfires really add atmosphere, the pillars of smoke rising over the tents are quite bewitching as you stagger back to your tent, if ye can remember where it is. A favourite spot is down by the river near the stage, folk falling/being pushed/paddling/peeing in the river. On Saturday the sun decided to put it’s best hat on and give us all a long big grin. Traditional Scot “blueskin” me of course got burnt to a crisp. Lobster anyone?

A walk into Helmsley saw a much needed big fried plate of carbohydrates and fat snorted through a straw, I was starvin’. Still, it cured me hangover. The Bands… In eight years i’ve never come to the Farmyard to see the bands specifically, judging by the racket the audience made though they went down very well. Nuff said. The village of Helmsley is taken over by us lot for the weekend, with several pubs and cafes who are now well used to the activities of this weekend enjoy the crescendo of ringing tills and and bagpipes adding to the atmosphere in the square.

I don’t think the co-op sees so much business all year. I’ve always found the locals to be very friendly, plenty of old guys who had AJS, Vincents etc remembering thier youth. I tell them all to get another bike.

courtesy of the Whitby ’77 club.


Then a wander back to the site for the



There was a good turnout for the cutom show, the usual mix of old, new, mint, rat, flashy painted bikes & trikes. Some lovely engineering, most ridden, some appearing in a van 😉 Don’t ask who won what, ‘cept the furthest travelled who was from East Germany on a 2 stroke scotter thingy.

I think it’s a safe bet that “Destiny’s Vision” , painted by the now infamous Percy would have won Best Paint. Bloody Luvverly, though I’m no longer sceptical about it being ridden far with those gorgeously painted shock springs, Spanner at Bikersweb tells me it was ridden the 190 miles to the rally.

I’d like to know how the paint stays on, the detailing was superb, ah well I’ll need to keep the lotto tickets goin’ 😉

Of course I had to include a pic of me mate Kev’s bike, resplendent in new Pitstop paint job, I’ll have a feature on this when the bugger a). gets round to washing it after this weekend and b). arranges a suitably scroching day to photograph it 😉

Custom show entertainment by gezzer with a blunderbus in his gob One of my favourites was this Triumph, clean, simple, frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Just to prove that a paint job is in the eye of the owner, lot’s of work has gone into this bike but!

This was a funky wee trike, but got pipped for funkyness by Chitty Chitty Bang Trike

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I guess when ye’ve got a trike ye can do away with the tent 😉 . I spotted these “Galvy” mini Caravans which were bloody smart! Saturday night’s entertainment was topped at midnight by a Fireworks display, apparently there was an issue with the use of personal fireworks in the licence so there were notices everywhere telling folk that if they let personal fireworks off then they’d be oot on thier arse 😉

I heard a few gripes ’bout the display not being long enough, MAG didn’t need to put on a display, but they did, and it must’ve cost a shitload to put on. It’s a pity they didn’t apply this to the R.L.T’s (Rev Limiting Twats) who just aren’t as entertaining, except for the guy with the Buell who was popping it on the kill switch and blew the collector box apart. Laugh, me pants nearly dried! Click ‘ere for the First Page Late Saturday night, I swore I wouldn’t kick the arse out of it, as we had a long drive home, but, via the blues tent on the way back, with folk dancing on stage to “Duelling Banjo’s” from Deliverance, I just had to have another few 😉

Sunday morning, sore head, hot tent, pulling assorted small rodents which had slept then crapped in me mouth I faced the old gotta pack up and go home scenario, shit! On the way home we stopped at Abington Services on the M74, a guy pulled in on an old gsx750es, he stopped for a blether Guy : “Going On holiday then” Us: ” Naw, been at the Farmyard” Pause Guy: “so you’ve been working on a farm?” Us: ” No a bike rally, where you off to then?” Guy: “On my way from Wales to Helensburgh” Us: “What for?” Guy: ” I’m in court in the morning” Us: “What for?” Guy: “Swimming with submarines!” That just sums up my weekend So, another Farmyard over, I’m wearily back to work, with a big chuffin’ smile, cheers Guys

Words & Pics by Al